Just Planning failure, not planning Failure

I have problem following schedules. As much as I like to plan out my day with all that's needed to be done, that plan vanishes into nothingness mid day. That procrastinator in me, I blame, especially during these few days of holiday study break. Take this for instance, below is what I've planned out and the following is what it turned out to be.
Thurs
0550  Woke up extra early today as dad had to fetch my maid to settle her documents
0620  Breakfast as Mcd. Yum :)
0650  Stones at bus stop and inhale soot and dust from bustling vehicles
0705  Board bus. Sip at my coffee and allow the fluid to linger a little longer in my mouth, trying to make out each individual taste. Continue stoning...
0750  Arrives at college
0800  Do Maths paper 4 x 3 sets
1015  Read Biology application chap1: biodiversity
1100  Lunch
1130  Talk to myself at a corner like a maniac to prepare for my speaking test
1200  IELTS speaking test
1300  Do Maths paper 3 x 1 set
1415  Do 2 written task to prepare for my subsequent IELTS papers
1600  Head for home!
1700  Bang on the piano
1800  Do some reading
1900  Do IELTS Reading practice set 4
2000  Feed my stomach and skimp through the day's papers
2045  Do some IELTS practices
2100  IELTS Writing practice
0100  Sink in bed


What that impeccable plan turned out to be...
0550  Wake up
0620  Breakfast
0650  Wait for bus
0705  Board bus
0750  Arrive at college
0800  Heard from Lay Lay that trials results was out and went to use the computer. Ended up  checking my email and my Facebook account too since I was at the computer
0830  Finishes 1 set of Maths paper 4
0915  Went searching for Lay Lay to let him solve the questions that I couldn't solve since he dubbed himself "The Only Person who Can Prove that the Marking Scheme is Wrong"
1000  Pulls out Biodiversity notes from bag but stares at it blankly while waiting for him to solve the questions
1100  Lunch
1130  Make some sense out of the workings he left me with
1200 IELTS speaking test
1300  Got a very unexpected 'hello!' from the security guard. Heads to library for Tetris Battle and Diamond Dash(Facebook games).
1430  Guilt kicked in -or more like I ran out of Energy in Tetris Battle- hence I went off to finish off my 2 other sets of Maths paper 4(of which one has already been done some time ago and the other partially done already)
1530  Went to library again to check my answers on Xtremepapers
1615  Bade Lay Lay and his friend goodbye and continue with my Biodiversity notes
1730  Head for home
1800  Turned on the TV and slept on the couch like a pig not long after
2115  Had late dinner and scanned through the newspapers
2200  Bath then became a couch potato again
2245  Searched Ransacked the Internet for suitable scholarships and bursaries for my brother
0100  Tetris Battle yet again while on and off checking for scholarship information
0300  Guilt kick in and so do lethargy while I type out this piece

Hmmm... wonder how am I going to wake up at 6 tomorrow morning. I had survived with only 3 hours of sleep before -even without caffeine- but gah, guess staying home isn't such a bad idea too. I'll just wake up at 8 and get things done fasterrr *yawnnnnsss*

I carressed when I should have prodded. Sorry.

I type and I type, just to fill up this space with no apparent idea in mind. A hint of bitter annoyance at the back of my tongue. It wasn't used to be like this. Shallow, barely gliding across the surface, creating nothing more than weak ripples that fade the next moment.

I want the thoughts, not the mindless rambles. I want it intense, I want it from deep inside. To humour, to intrigue, to inspire. The last one comes first. Remember that?

Time for a change. No excuses.


Ps: Piano's going quite well, meaning less awful.

post-trials, pre-finals

Two weeks of post-trials holidays, and yes, that's what brought me to finally have the urge to blog, knowing that I can have all the time I want to write, stop and think, and scrutinise, and then start writing again. (But then again, do I?)

We went to spend the weekends at Fraser's Hill and boy, guess who I met? My biology lecturer, Mr. Bala! Other than that, it was rather uneventful, just like the way I wanted it to be. Most of the time, I was either in front of the idiot box making full use of the Astro subsription there, or taking an amble at the little garden beside the bungalow. On other times, I brought my To Kill a Mockingbird to a corner, snuggled down into the couch beside the window and wandered into a different dimension. I love it there more than any of the other highlands we have here, such as Cameron Highlands or Genting Highlands, for it is only there can I truly immerse myself in imperturbable tranquility. My mom calls anyone who likes Frasers a lazy person so I would be one heck of a lazy person. I just like the detachment I can get here from the world down there, to have a break from whatever deadlines or pressing issues back down there. After two very short days, here I am, sucked backed into reality all over again. But ah, fortunately reality doesn't pains too much either since I've just started my two-week-long (study) break.*Oh no, what am I doing here? Study, study, study..*

Like always, I've come up with an ever so meticulously planned out schedule (which I always don't stick to EVERYTIME)for this holiday  break. But I'm glad I can finally put in some reading and writing with a peaceful conscience this time since my IELTS do requires some practice afterall. It's day one into the break today and I've not done anything useful yet till now but the work will start soon. Soon enough. The piano's making some (awful) twangs again and the book is (a hundredth) way through already and...and I've got my nails painted too so I guess it's still not too bad a start. Hehe, no? NO? Okay mommy, I'll start studying tomorrow *puppy eyes* But...but..doesn't a chinese proverb says "don't worry about moving slowly, worry about standing still,"?

So study then it is I guess, for this break. Yeah, study.

And a little bit of meeting up with high school mates, reading, piano, TV, youtube-ing, fb-ing, blogging and jogging too

HKU interview 2012

Well, since I finally have the leisure to sit down and write, I'd decided I may as well make it time-worthy.

So I filed in my application for HKU in December last year through the non-jupas scheme and uploaded by supporting documents in the subsequent 2 weeks. I received my invitation for interview via email about 1 week before the interview date in the beginning of Jan this year and was asked to confirm my attendance. That email really gave me the shock of my life since I wasn't expecting to be called for until April with reference to the information stated in their official website. Oh so I declined saying I wasn't expecting them till later and asked them to follow what's stated in their website. Joking. What else, of course I confirmed my attendance immediate in a seemingly nonchalant manner. In truth, I think my face turned a sickly shade of green that very moment.

The interview was scheduled to be at The Star education fair in Kuala Lumpur Convention Centre on 8 Jan(Sunday) 3-3.30pm. I arrived at the booth about 20 minutes earlier and was told to fill up a form on my academic and non-academic achievements. Upon enquiry, I was told that it would be a group interview. When it was time, we were led to a room at the upper floor. The interviewer, Prof. Chai introduced herself and gave a brief introductory speech. She congratulated us for being in the 250 people that were granted interview and explained however that only 20-30 overseas will be accepted eventually.

And then came the real business. We were given the topic "Will the death penalty deter drug smugglers from smuggling drugs". So oh, there goes the hours of preparing on usual questions such as "Why Medicine?" or "Tell us about your extracurricular achievements,". We had one minute to think before voicing out our opinion. A guy sitting a few seats to the left of me, which on enquiry after the interview expressed that he intend to pursue law, spoke up first. All of us had the chance to gave our two cent worth of idea on it and occasionally Prof. Chai would ask a particular person on his/her views.

Later on, Prof Chai asked for our opinion on "How has the death penalty affected drug smuggling in Malaysia". Not all of us had the chance to answer this time since she jumped to the next question before everyone had answered. Seeing that any answer coming out from my mouth would reflect my lack of knowledge in current issues, I zipped it up for this question and was actually quite happy when she moved on to the next section. I hope this wouldn't have affected my interview too badly though. Have it already? Sigh...... Lastly, we were asked to do a two to three sentence conclusion on this topic and so ended the interview.

Before leaving, I had the opportunity to ask Prof. Chai two questions which I've made a mental note to enquire on. Then, only had I knew that they were building a campus to fit the two batches of students they'll be accommodating this year. After the interview, I got to talk to HKU students from Malaysia who were manning the booth and my fellow interviewees. Turns out that all of my fellow interviewees applied for different courses: law, science and mbbs, and one was currently pursuing his A-levels in Singapore. Forgot to ask him whether he was on ASEAN scholarship though.

It was definitely a very good learning experience. Luckily I didn't even have to search hysterically for my non-existent Cantonese speaking skill since (thank God!) they didn't ask us to converse in it even though it is mentioned in the website that interviews are in English and Cantonese.Till now I'm still not sure whether there will be an additional interview in April since no one manage to give me a definite answer.

I certainly understand that the competition is fierce to secure a place in such a prestigious university, let alone I applied for mbbs(which that itself, I think, triples the competition). Group interview makes it worst too, since it really examines your leadership skills, maturity and critical thinking. All of that which I lack. I too heard from another fellow interviewee when waiting for my Aberdeen interview that they only accept about two non-jupas students for mbbs per year. Since this year they are letting in two batches, so there will probably be four of them this year? I have no definite answer for that. But oh well, no rejection letter till now so I guess I can keep hoping. Fingers crossed :)

The many facets of writing

"You can always read, and read, and read so often, but writing is different than reading. Reading more is not equivalent to being able to write better. Writing is difficult. It goes like a pyramid, with being able to listen and comprehend a language at its bottom, speaking a language at its middle lower, reading at the middle upper and writing at its very pinnacle. As the pyramid extends from bottom to top, its surface area decreases and so does the frequency of it being carried out. The bottom of the pyramid serves as your base in a language, your basic foundation. With the fundamental skills only can you start building upwards, to extend your pyramid to speaking, reading and writing. This layer provides you only with the skills needed for the next level, it however does not give you the key to direct access. Every inch and corner of the next layer will be just as hard to build(if not harder) than the previous layer. Persistency and hardwork is still very much needed."

My English tuition teacher once told me that, and I find it very apt to the situation I'm facing now of struggling to produce even one decent post per month. Well technically she told me till the pyramid part only, the rest of it is what I comprehended from it. However, I have to say writing really is tough, especially when you have an audience and is susceptible to being judged. You scrutinise every word and sentence, check and recheck again for grammatical errors, the correct words used and even the punctuation. You sit down and think of what do you want to say, filter it in your mind, type out the words, check on the message being conveyed, double check on any hidden messages reflected unintentionally, decide it's not appropriate and end up backspacing the whole paragraph of it. All that just to strike that perfectionism. And oh, in this technological modern age, you know anything you have posted could be used against you too.

Sometimes I wonder why do I still care to update this place from time to time since the production of each post requires much effort. Of course I definitely do have the passion towards writing, however there are more facets to this other than the underlying love for words. More than often, I blog for personal gains. I want to maintain my level of written English and the only way is none other than by writing, and keep writing. I take pride in my level of written English and I would certainly like to maintain it so, for it is a language that really allows me to speak my heart out. This place used to be taken by Chinese language some time ago(probably in form 2 and 3). Unfortunately, as my proficiency for English increased, so dwindled my writing ability for Chinese language because less and less attention was given to it. Very much like the relationship between European mink and American mink, if you know what I am talking about. However, I do not plan to give up on it (talk about the shamefulness of giving up on one's first language!). May just even take it up any of these days :) A book in Chinese will be quite a good start I guess, anyone bother lending me "You Are the Apple of My Eyes" ?

Furthermore, I blog for readership(yes, how narcissistic I am right?). I admit, I need an occasional boost to my ego for me to continue my stride towards writing. While the passion towards something is borned from within a person, external conducive conditions can certainly act as catalysts in boosting enthusiasm. Like what I've read in a blog I recently followed, 'all writer wants is to hear is these 5 words: "You're such a good writer", "You really made me think" or "Your book changed my life".' It does feel good when you get recognition from others or solely by the fact that there are people out there that reads your labour of love. Part of job satisfaction, I say.

Oh wells, enough of words for one day. Lets end this piece with some of my new year resolutions since I've not posted them up and it's still Jan afterall.

1. Stop procrastinating
2. Finish all my unread books(which are now sitting all dusty on my shelve)
3. Fb less, blog more
4. Explore uncharted grounds, expand my boundaries
5. Live healthier(exercise more, sleep earlier)
6. Finish at least one piano duet with Lin

Although some may have already been broken the moment they were set, my motive was never to not break them anyway, but to achieve them by the end of this year. So, wish me luck!! :)

Here we go again..

Sitting in front of the computer, staring at the screen, fingers on the keyboard, stationary. Nothing is running in my mind. Blank, as fresh parchment.

Things have been pretty much like this these days, with each day passing in a hazy, blurry manner. And waking up with half the day already gone certainly does not help. Well, nursing an inflamed ear does not help either, especially when it's so swollen and you can't touch it without inflicting some pain on yourself. But luckily it's healing. The antibiotics and medicated cream are doing their job I guess, or it may just be my immune system kicking in. Whichever way, it better work faster for my ear still looks like it's gonna fall off any moment.

But I digressed. Swollen ear or not, I 'm slacking. Aiks, slacking again. All the plans diligently thought of, listed and revised on my little piece of scrap paper, down the drain. But well, three more weeks to go, and three weeks certainly do much difference. First of all, I have to get all my homework done of course. Well, undang test too and try to attend as many driving lessons I can cram into this period of time. And oh, revision. So hmmm... which chapters next week? Organic chemistry? Energy and respiration? Lattice energy? Photosynthesis?

Sigh, define holiday again...

First love

I caressed my fingers gently against you, as if direct contact would connect both our souls. You got the hint straightaway, and sent this tingling sensation back into me. My fingers made out the edges of your face, its features so sharp yet so smooth. I inhaled, catching a whiff of tempting aroma. Cheek to cheek, chest to chest; sparks flew between us like a blossoming firework.

I measured your edges and wrapped you with velvety, near-transparent wrapping paper, in fear that I'll crinkle your cover while I make my way through you. Secured with a bit of pressing, ironing out and cellotape, so was my wariness. Hence I began my journey listen to what you've got to tell and see what you've seen. Of course I was talking about my dear books, what d'you think?

You waltzed me into your world, and unearthed the deepest of your secrets to me. At times you made me curious, perplexed, snort, laugh and cry even, sometimes. But mostly you made me think and reflect. We grew in each other, with your pages yellowing and mine filled with your contents. And to our I-really-cannot-remember-what anniversary, here's a toast, to what we have gone through together. In years we age, but in each other, we immortalise. Cheers!